REAL TALK PART I

I need this balance.

This movement is definitely a consuming passion in my life right now. There isn't a moment of the day when I don't think about pushing gonegirlgo™ forward. At times I wish I could hurry up and get to the good part, whatever that is. I want to see what it is going to look like...all of it and not just this blog. (I actually do see it. I just want to hurry up and get there.) My capacity to dream about it grows everyday. I have to fight the urge not to just dream, but do. There needs to be a balance of dreaming and doing, if I am going to push forward and go. But I do have some issues that if I let them will either drive me crazy or stop me in my tracks. Pushing this movement forward is fun, but hard - exactly like I said in a previous post. Enough said, let's have some REAL TALK. 

• I am tired. All this thinking, doing, and late night blogging is wearing me out. On top of that, I have to get up early during the week and drive to Akron to work a job that I need right now. What's wrong with this picture? I'm not a morning person. I worked from home for 7 years. And I have to wrestle with Sage and Nia way tooooooo early in the morning!
• My right knee and sometimes lower back hurt, probably because of working out (There's this one move that has been affecting my back lately. Problem is, I like the move and want to keep doing it.) I'm not as spry as I used to be and want to be now. One wrong move may result in a little pain. I don't do well with pain. It makes me want to lay down and I really don't want to lay down now. I guess this is the issue with us late bloomers...that's another discussion. (I know you are probably saying to yourself, "She should stop wearing those dang high heels all the time!" Sorry y'all. I can't. Remember my high heels give me super power.)
• I am impatient. I want instant answers, results, and gratification, despite how unrealistic this thinking is. Unfortunately I can't push forward and go as fast as I want. Others working on a few items for me can't go as fast as I want them to either.
• I mentioned in an earlier post that I am planning an event. This is the first idea under my reformed identity that I am pushing forward. I am just a little nervous about it. It happens this coming Monday.
• I'm moving with trepidation pushing forward this one gonegirlgo™ idea. I recognize my fear of time and that might have something to do with why I "used" to be a procrastinator. (Becoming a reformed procrastinator is a process and it takes time to unlearn the skill and art of procrastination.) Anyway, I am dealing with an uneasiness about a few things related to time. 

1. I have to clear my plate of one project that I acquired in the  past. I know that it is intense, and because I am working a 9-5 and don't have the flexibility that I used to, I have to deliberately fit this project into my already packed schedule. 
2. I am being challenged to execute this one gonegirlgo™ idea in March...this March...the March that is only 27 days away. It's scary because I know that my creativity is wrapped up in this notion of perfection. I have to get the ideas just right, make them clear, doll them up, and prepare myself to deliver them. Not only that, there are the logistics and administrative tasks that need to be done too. 
3. My mind is relentless at reminding me of all my failures and weaknesses. And connected to these imps are my relationship with time (Or so I think. I definitely gotta dig deeper into this thought). These are the two barriers that have the potential to defeat me. 

O.K. That feels better. After all this honest conversation, I realize that I am not compelled to stop in my tracks. I am actually compelled to strategize and plan. Recently, Pastor Kevin delivered a sermon entitled, "How to Keep Advancing in Your God-Given Goals". Why was I changing purses this morning and found these sermon notes? (And I remembered how I felt sitting in church that Sunday listening to Pastor deliver this sermon and its key verses in Nehemiah. It was not the first time that I heard him teach this lesson, but this time it was directly related to my effort at pushing forward so that I can go. I wanted to run up to the front of the sanctuary and give him a great big hug! But instead, I settled for sitting and smiling.)  I think we know why these particular sermon notes resurfaced. I needed the reminder of these key points: keep praying, keep implementing practical strategies, and keep people the priority. REAL TALK is probably the first in a series of posts. REAL TALK keeps me grounded and honest with myself. REAL TALK might even benefit some other folks. I hope so.

Peace

A Push Forward: The Birth of a Trademark

gonegirlgo_™

As I entered into another season of my life, I stumbled upon this trademark and it really does signify my current state of being. It is an internal proclamation of freedom, a declaration of independence, a statement of progress, and a call of forward movement. Starting in 2012 and going forward, I have decided to give myself permission to go on and go.

So how did I come to this conclusion? Last summer I had an epiphany that I was a middle aged woman. I had to laugh because the picture I had in my mind of who that woman was certainly did not resemble me! When I shared this with my dad, or “G” (short for G-Dad), as we so fondly call him, he simply stated, “Yea Zo, I guess you are.” My recognition of that reality and my dad’s confirmation of that reality rang in my ear for the rest of the summer. I am in the middle – the middle of my life, the middle of my career, the middle of my journey. As the oldest of three girls, I have never been in the middle before so it was hard trying to relate. (S/O to all of the middle sisters in the world, including mine!) This sudden realization of my median position ignited a pilot light in me!  Call it middle age crisis or call it what you want, all I knew was that I needed to do something before my time was up!

As I consider the timeline of my life, I cannot go back and redo anything. But I can go forward…wait a minute…what if I decided to go forward a little differently than I had in the first half of my timeline? What would happen if I pushed all of my energy forward? What would happen if I interrupted my life with a new trajectory?  (This is my confession: You see, I was a dreamer who was always afraid that my dreams would turn into nightmares and haunt me. I had ideas, I mean great big ideas, but I wasn’t able to see them as reality. I contemplated, walked with trepidation, analyzed, and second guessed myself out of believing that I had worthy ideas and dreams.) There was just something about being in the middle that compelled me to engage my ideas and dreams and push them forward. 

I thought that writing a blog would be easy because I kept a journal since I was 15 years old. You would be cracking up at how many times I backed up, scratched out, and deleted my words. I wanted the words to flow easy like they did in my head. They didn’t when I wanted them to at first...only at the most inopportune time which turned out to be the best time. The pilot light was lit so I had to go. 

gonegirlgo_™

Not only did my trademark surface because of my middle condition, but because of the current condition of many women that I know. I have witnessed how we have walked with trepidation, ignored our calling, gave others the power to talk us out of our dreams, second-guessed ourselves, downplayed our strengths, and kept ourselves constricted and confined to our own little box.  I was not created to live by default, but that’s how I was living because I refused to step out of my box.

My trademark was actually born on Facebook.  Whenever I read a female’s post that seemed to be a cry for forward movement, I would respond "Gone girl go!". I thought, “Wait a minute! That means something and I’ve got to do something with it!” Because I had this habit of thinking a lot, and not moving forward with my thoughts, I was in new territory. (Uh oh - my mind started with that ole negative self-talk again. Would I fail? I’m not ready. That’s just stupid. Who cares anyway?) Nope! I wasn’t giving in to it this time. I remembered my middle position and pushed forward.

The first step that I took was to share my thoughts with a few close friends. I was shocked when as soon as I said it, they got it. They understood immediately what I was talking about. They encouraged me to explore the concept so I just had to move.

During this time, another fascinating thing was happening to me. I was being surrounded by other women whose pilot light was ignited as well. I got a chance to see firsthand what happens to a woman when she pushes forward, engages her ideas, and lives her dreams. Again, I just had to move.

On my nightstand.

On the floor.

To organize my thoughts, I created this mind map. It was rough, but from it I was able to see what my trademark was all about. Then I started drafting the blog. This rough sketch of the mind map and blog sat on my nightstand for about 3 weeks. It ended up on the floor at some point and stayed there for another week. I finally put it in my bag to take to work.  It sat there for 2 more weeks. When I pulled it out again, I said “Go. What are you waiting for?” The mind map got dolled up in Visio. With some tweaks here and a few more edits there, it was good and I was determined to finish this blog. Now…

 gonegirlgo_™

There are four components to services that I will offer based on my trademark:

1.    Define your own forward movement

2.    Refuse to live by default

3.    Push against self-imposed limits

4.    Be a reformed procrastinator



All dolled up.



I’m not sure how this will all unfold, but I am excited about pushing it out there. So stay tuned! I will use this blog as an accountability tool to let you know of my progress pushing forward. This should be fun but hard! Y’all with me…let's go!