A Sister Trying Not to Live by Default

I wrote this on August 28, 1998.

Life is a series of trips.

Back and forth,

to and fro,

here and there.

Sometimes I feel like I should go forth, fro, there,

but how come I find myself going back, to, here?

Answer:  Because I am living by default.

In my mind I have created these series of trips,

But then I realize that my mind is the ultimate trip…trippin me out all the time.

But it’s all good b/c it’s my journey & no one else’s.

It belongs to me & it represents something that amazes me like God amazes, like life amazes me.

Not in a loud, boisterous way, but a subtle, easy, warm way.

I sit back and smile (when I am not living by default) & enjoy the ride…

Back and forth,

to and fro,

here and there.

Why should we live by default?

In a season of desperation, I coined the term living by default to describe my existence as a human being who had all of their physiological functions in order. Living by default meant that my life was possible only on an account of having a heart, lungs, a brain, nervous system, stomach, liver and all of the other internal organs that made me go.  The dilemma was that while living by default was truly a gift from God (as far as I knew, all of my internal organs functioned properly) if life had no meaning or purpose, it was a gift free from responsibility. Simply put, living by default is an absolved life. It is a life that has no meaning, purpose, or direction.

At different points in my life, I wrestled with the application of this concept. When I lived by default, I did not feel good. I was depressed, lazy, uncertain, bored, and uninterested. I went through life’s routine without any motivation or determination. I rarely had concern for anything bigger than myself. I just happened to be existing by default.

On the other hand, when my life had meaning and purpose, I became a different person.  No matter what crazy turn of events came my way, I was able to overcome them because I had a purpose to fulfill and goals to accomplish.  One example of this was when I co-led God’s Beauty Shop, a bible study that I created for my church a few years ago.  During that time, I was experiencing a tumultuous time in my marriage, but God’s Beauty Shop gave my life meaning and a reason to push through the pain of my marriage.  When I didn’t live by default, I felt confident, assured, strong, and hopeful.

One of the four components of gonegirlgo™ is refuse to live by default.  My experience has taught me that a person who desires to push their ideas and dreams forward can’t if they are living by default. They are going to continue going back and forth, to and fro, and here and there in a desolate, bitter, and possibly painful state. Here are three lessons that I learned whenever I lived by default:

1. I did not have any desire to seek my purpose in life.  I was complacent, lazy, and full of excuses as to why I was not living progressively. 
2. I did not hold myself accountable to anyone to actualize my purpose and what I should be doing with it.
3. I had no motivation to explore the intrapersonal. There was no desire to go within and do the inner work of the soul.

gonegirlgo™ stands for pushing forward in life. If you are going to go, you have to push the desire to live by default out of the way. Find your purpose and meaning in life. Tell someone that you trust about your purpose so that they can help you remain accountable for moving in that purpose. And when you find it, do the inner work that is required so that you don’t get in the way of going forward. Life really is a series of trips, but at least while we are on the journey, let’s go with a smile in our heart.

Now that you have read my description of living by default, I’m curious to know how you make meaning of the concept.  What experiences can you share that illustrate the point – refuse to live by default? What lessons have you learned?   Please use the comment area below to share your thoughts.