REAL TALK PART I

I need this balance.

This movement is definitely a consuming passion in my life right now. There isn't a moment of the day when I don't think about pushing gonegirlgo™ forward. At times I wish I could hurry up and get to the good part, whatever that is. I want to see what it is going to look like...all of it and not just this blog. (I actually do see it. I just want to hurry up and get there.) My capacity to dream about it grows everyday. I have to fight the urge not to just dream, but do. There needs to be a balance of dreaming and doing, if I am going to push forward and go. But I do have some issues that if I let them will either drive me crazy or stop me in my tracks. Pushing this movement forward is fun, but hard - exactly like I said in a previous post. Enough said, let's have some REAL TALK. 

• I am tired. All this thinking, doing, and late night blogging is wearing me out. On top of that, I have to get up early during the week and drive to Akron to work a job that I need right now. What's wrong with this picture? I'm not a morning person. I worked from home for 7 years. And I have to wrestle with Sage and Nia way tooooooo early in the morning!
• My right knee and sometimes lower back hurt, probably because of working out (There's this one move that has been affecting my back lately. Problem is, I like the move and want to keep doing it.) I'm not as spry as I used to be and want to be now. One wrong move may result in a little pain. I don't do well with pain. It makes me want to lay down and I really don't want to lay down now. I guess this is the issue with us late bloomers...that's another discussion. (I know you are probably saying to yourself, "She should stop wearing those dang high heels all the time!" Sorry y'all. I can't. Remember my high heels give me super power.)
• I am impatient. I want instant answers, results, and gratification, despite how unrealistic this thinking is. Unfortunately I can't push forward and go as fast as I want. Others working on a few items for me can't go as fast as I want them to either.
• I mentioned in an earlier post that I am planning an event. This is the first idea under my reformed identity that I am pushing forward. I am just a little nervous about it. It happens this coming Monday.
• I'm moving with trepidation pushing forward this one gonegirlgo™ idea. I recognize my fear of time and that might have something to do with why I "used" to be a procrastinator. (Becoming a reformed procrastinator is a process and it takes time to unlearn the skill and art of procrastination.) Anyway, I am dealing with an uneasiness about a few things related to time. 

1. I have to clear my plate of one project that I acquired in the  past. I know that it is intense, and because I am working a 9-5 and don't have the flexibility that I used to, I have to deliberately fit this project into my already packed schedule. 
2. I am being challenged to execute this one gonegirlgo™ idea in March...this March...the March that is only 27 days away. It's scary because I know that my creativity is wrapped up in this notion of perfection. I have to get the ideas just right, make them clear, doll them up, and prepare myself to deliver them. Not only that, there are the logistics and administrative tasks that need to be done too. 
3. My mind is relentless at reminding me of all my failures and weaknesses. And connected to these imps are my relationship with time (Or so I think. I definitely gotta dig deeper into this thought). These are the two barriers that have the potential to defeat me. 

O.K. That feels better. After all this honest conversation, I realize that I am not compelled to stop in my tracks. I am actually compelled to strategize and plan. Recently, Pastor Kevin delivered a sermon entitled, "How to Keep Advancing in Your God-Given Goals". Why was I changing purses this morning and found these sermon notes? (And I remembered how I felt sitting in church that Sunday listening to Pastor deliver this sermon and its key verses in Nehemiah. It was not the first time that I heard him teach this lesson, but this time it was directly related to my effort at pushing forward so that I can go. I wanted to run up to the front of the sanctuary and give him a great big hug! But instead, I settled for sitting and smiling.)  I think we know why these particular sermon notes resurfaced. I needed the reminder of these key points: keep praying, keep implementing practical strategies, and keep people the priority. REAL TALK is probably the first in a series of posts. REAL TALK keeps me grounded and honest with myself. REAL TALK might even benefit some other folks. I hope so.

Peace