LIFE IS FUN BUT HARD BUT FUN BUT HARD...

I took a little break from the routine this past weekend to celebrate my sister Nikki's 30th birthday. A much anticipated celebration was planned (or so I thought) way before the birth of gonegirlgo™. While I was excited about my first trip to Vegas, I struggled with stepping away because the movement was gaining momentum. I really didn't want to step away, but then again, I wanted to celebrate with my family. Those of you who know us know that we love to have lots of fun! Anyway, Niyia, a wise young woman made my decision easy by telling me that gonegirlgo™ was not like a "backpack" that I just put on and take off. It is me and it goes where I go. So despite all of the activity around me, I thought a lot and learned some valuable lessons relative to this movement while celebrating in Vegas.

• Life can be fun but hard at the same time. Experience has taught me that fun doesn't challenge me to grow. Hard does. I can make the fun part last as long as I want, but at some point I am going to have to do the hard part too, especially if I want to grow (this is not intended to be a joke, but it is funny). Unfortunately, folks give up on life because of the hard part, but would rather push forward to always have fun. They are missing an opportunity for growth and balance. (My speculation is that these people love places like Vegas. As for this lil' mama, enough was enough. I'm good with my fun but hard life!) 
• Some folks have a difficult time accepting the hand that they have been dealt. I wonder what would happen if they didn't get hung up on how "bad" their hand was. What would happen if they pushed forward with that "bad" hand and decided to go make impact with it anyway? What would happen if they stopped gambling away their time because they felt that they didn't have what it takes to win? What if they changed their minds and realized that the hand that they have been dealt was given to them for a reason?
• I couldn't pound the pavement in my high heels that long in Vegas. I hated abdicating my super powers, but I had to for the sake of my feet.
• People from around the world push forward to live in the United States so that they can go. And we are mad at them, but won't push forward and go ourselves.

Who told my mother to throw up deuces?

Believe it or not, despite all my thinking, I had lots of fun celebrating with my family. (And that part will stay in Vegas.) I would not have missed this trip for anything in the world. It's just hard for me to put on and take off gonegirlgo™. It is me. It goes where I go.


Peace




And I can't forget...Happy Birthday Nikki!!!!! 

GAMES WE STILL PLAY



I never figured out what
"Yellow Light" meant.



Do you remember playing "Red Light, Green Light" when you were little? I do. As a little rambunctious girl, I played that game a lot on E.151st and Harvard. A group of us would line up some feet away from the kid who shouted "Red Light!Green Light!" When he shouted "Green Light!", we would run as fast as we could to reach him, but as soon as he shouted "Red Light!", we would stop in our tracks. This would go on until one of us tagged the shouting kid first. Who made this game up? And what was this game all about? Why did we think that playing this game was actual fun? I am not sure. I guess we liked the idea of following somebody's commands until we reached our destination. We were some funny kids back in the day.

And we are some funny adults because now we play this game against ourselves. As soon as somebody shouts, "Red Light!", we put the brakes on with the quickness. Finally, when we hear "Green Light!"  we stand still, look around, and question if we even heard "Green Light!" at all. We forget about the destination and settle in right where we are.


I haven't been standing still lately, but I realize that getting the green light doesn't mean that my journey will be easy, things will fall into place, and the ride will be smooth. It also might mean that I won't reach my destination so quickly. Easy, smooth, and quick have not been the case so far. I tweeted  earlier this week, "I had no clue how hard it would be giving birth to an idea until the labor pains started. Now I'm pushing forward really hard." As I am pushing forward with my theme song playing in the background, "I'm ready to go right now..." I have to:

• Unlearn old habits like engaging in negative self talk, procrastinating, downplaying my strengths, and focusing on my weaknesses
• Stick to my vision for this movement and filter out well intended messages that may not line up with my vision
• Pace myself and avoid the tendency to want to move too fast (Note to Self: I have to remember that the movement is not gonegirlrun. I have to go, but not at a rapid pace. Pushing forward is movement and maybe momentum, but not speed.)

This past Sunday, I spent my evening with a group of strong, intelligent, and motivated women who are making things happen in their lives and in the lives of others. That sacred space lasted for a short time, but what it did for me was helped me to rethink the green light I was given (more on building relationship and community in another post). Thanks ladies - Sharron, Niyia, Rhonda, Terre, and Dawn. I am thinking, praying, planning, and pushing. Thanks Mommy for your love and support. I need it. And the rest of you who are down for this movement, I am grateful to you as well.


I'm pounding the pavement in my really high heels with my theme song playing in the background, "I'm ready to go right now..."

Peace

Prayers and warm thoughts are extended to Whitney Houston's family and loved ones. They've got to miss her, but they have her legacy. Actually we all do. And what a legacy it is! 

REAL TALK PART II

I am actually pushing forward and going. I thank God for the satisfaction that it brings. Over the past month and a half, I have executed an idea that I have had on my mind for years. I am in the process of preparing to execute another idea in the Spring. But how is it that today, I can't help but feel a tinge of discontentment. Looks like it's time for another REAL TALK.

I'm torn with expressing discontentment because it feels like I am whining. I hate whining and for the most part, I am not a whiner. I really don't have anything to whine about! I just got something going on inside that makes me feel like being a little whiny baby right now. That whiny baby in me says:

Peace.

Maybe it's that notion of perfection that keeps peaking its head around the corners of my mind. Or could it be that challenge of time that I keep racing against? It could also be that bomb of impatience that keeps exploding in my soul. It's hard to ignore those relentless imps, my weaknesses and failures, that constantly remind me that they are real and that they exist.

Jeesh! I had to get that out! My main goal in all of this is to be encouraging to others. Looks like today I need some encouragement myself. Thank God I know where to push forward and go for the encouragement that I need! I'm out! 

A LIST YOU MUST POST SOMEWHERE SO YOU CAN READ IT EVERYDAY

This lil mama was the perfect character
for my book way back when.

Based on years of experience, here's a list of what not to do, if you ever have a great idea:

• Act like you never felt that tingling sensation in the bottom of your toes when that idea first popped into your head in the middle of the night
• Ignore the warning signs that you really had a purpose in life 
• Overwhelm yourself with the mundane, routine, and everyday tasks of life
• Tell somebody about that idea then never talk about it again because you never talk to them again
• Write down everything that you wanted to do and then lose the little napkin, big notebook, and Word document that you wrote it on
• Forget to pray and ask God for guidance
• Wait until you have a whole bunch of money
• Listen to someone tell you why that idea won't work, can't happen, or doesn't make sense
• Take on a hobby that you will never be passionate about
• Pretend like your 9-5 job is the only thing that can be your passion and purpose
• Ignore your gut feeling
• Never align your means to your end
• Wait until your kids grow up (some of the best ideas came when they were little and had something to do with them like The Adventures of Nia and J.R. (Conversation with self: Dang I wish I would have wrote that children's book back in 1997! She's practically grown now and J.R. (my Jack Russell Terrier brother) has been gone for years!)
• Keep talking about what you are going to do but never take even one baby step to make it happen
• Be mortified to step out of the box
• Be afraid to be different, weird, or strange
• Never ask anyone to help you

Now, here is a list of what to do, if you ever have a great idea:

• Push forward



This lil mama is still a character (she's to my left),
but I don't think she will appreciate me
writing stories about her anymore.

• Go

Peace

MY BIG BUT SMALL REALIZATION (AND VICE VERSA)

Uhh..that would be me.

Duh?!? I had no idea that stepping outside of my box would be so liberating. It feels good to finally exhale. Sharing my passion for international film, not just with my inner circle, but with a larger one, was good for me. Not that I was seeking validation, but then again maybe I was. That I am OK. I'm different, and that's OK. It's really OK to be different in a world that wants you to conform to a certain mold. 


I guess that's part of it. The other part of Movie, Munch & Mingle that did it for me was offering this to others: WIDEN YOUR FRAME SO THAT YOU CAN SEE MORE OF THE BIGGER PICTURE.  While your life is yours (or so you think), does it always have to be about you, where you live, what you do, and who you are? There are billions of people who live on this planet and their lives are just as important as yours. Do you ever think about them, where they live, what they do, and who they are? 


This is Round One of gonegirlgo™. I'm in...are you?


Peace 

Networking Was Never My Forte

Last night I went to an event to celebrate the re-opening of a restaraunt that  I frequent. The atmosphere was good. The food was great. But the conversation was even better. I conversed with the folks who are bringing a new film festival in town, the Greater Cleveland Urban Film Festival (GCUFF). Again, the conversation was even better. In case you don't know, I am an international film enthusiast. My love of this genre of film goes real deep and way back. This is not something that I have always liked to share with people, especially my love for Indian cinema and its actors, particularly my favorite actor Shah Ruhk Khan. (There is only one person who I can really discuss this with. I mean hours and hours and hours of discussion...my Didi, Janice. And by the way, Didi is sister in Hindi.) Anyway, the reason I was so into the conversation last night was because I had something to talk about. I mean really talk about.

I heart SRK. Yes. I heart SRK.

(You see, in my old life, I preferred to stay in my head and in my box. It's not that I was afraid to share my world with others, I just didn't think it was necessary. I didn't feel like explaining why I liked this, or why I thought a certain way. I didn't feel like getting irritated by the smirks and other goofy facial expressions that people display when they are a bit confused. Those looks spoke volumes, "A black girl who prefers to watch Bollywood movies instead of Hollywood movies? I don't get it." So I decided that my little secret was safe with me. But one day, I decided to share my secret with others. I hosted the first ZIFF (Zoe's International Film Festival) at my house in February 2010. I invited a few close friends and we watched a really cool Palestinian movie and ate some great tasting Mediterranean type food that I cooked. The girls loved it and couldn't wait for me to do it again. But I never got the urge to do it again. And that idea sat dormant.) 

Let me get back on track. I'm supposed to be writing about how networking was never my forte.

So at this event, I talked freely about my love of international film and what I decided to do about it. I also asked to help out at GCUFF in anyway that I can. The biggest thing that I shared during this converation was my event - Movie, Munch & Mingle that happens on Monday. That really got me excited and I probably could have talked on and on and on and on...

So here's my point. I see the value of stepping outside of my box and out of my head. There are people in this world (and Cleveland!) who might get me. And they even might be excited about my push forward. They even might be instrumental in helping me go. I would never know if I wasn't willing to open up and talk a little. Networking was never my forte, but now it is. I have things to talk about. gonegirlgo™

Peace

REAL TALK PART I

I need this balance.

This movement is definitely a consuming passion in my life right now. There isn't a moment of the day when I don't think about pushing gonegirlgo™ forward. At times I wish I could hurry up and get to the good part, whatever that is. I want to see what it is going to look like...all of it and not just this blog. (I actually do see it. I just want to hurry up and get there.) My capacity to dream about it grows everyday. I have to fight the urge not to just dream, but do. There needs to be a balance of dreaming and doing, if I am going to push forward and go. But I do have some issues that if I let them will either drive me crazy or stop me in my tracks. Pushing this movement forward is fun, but hard - exactly like I said in a previous post. Enough said, let's have some REAL TALK. 

• I am tired. All this thinking, doing, and late night blogging is wearing me out. On top of that, I have to get up early during the week and drive to Akron to work a job that I need right now. What's wrong with this picture? I'm not a morning person. I worked from home for 7 years. And I have to wrestle with Sage and Nia way tooooooo early in the morning!
• My right knee and sometimes lower back hurt, probably because of working out (There's this one move that has been affecting my back lately. Problem is, I like the move and want to keep doing it.) I'm not as spry as I used to be and want to be now. One wrong move may result in a little pain. I don't do well with pain. It makes me want to lay down and I really don't want to lay down now. I guess this is the issue with us late bloomers...that's another discussion. (I know you are probably saying to yourself, "She should stop wearing those dang high heels all the time!" Sorry y'all. I can't. Remember my high heels give me super power.)
• I am impatient. I want instant answers, results, and gratification, despite how unrealistic this thinking is. Unfortunately I can't push forward and go as fast as I want. Others working on a few items for me can't go as fast as I want them to either.
• I mentioned in an earlier post that I am planning an event. This is the first idea under my reformed identity that I am pushing forward. I am just a little nervous about it. It happens this coming Monday.
• I'm moving with trepidation pushing forward this one gonegirlgo™ idea. I recognize my fear of time and that might have something to do with why I "used" to be a procrastinator. (Becoming a reformed procrastinator is a process and it takes time to unlearn the skill and art of procrastination.) Anyway, I am dealing with an uneasiness about a few things related to time. 

1. I have to clear my plate of one project that I acquired in the  past. I know that it is intense, and because I am working a 9-5 and don't have the flexibility that I used to, I have to deliberately fit this project into my already packed schedule. 
2. I am being challenged to execute this one gonegirlgo™ idea in March...this March...the March that is only 27 days away. It's scary because I know that my creativity is wrapped up in this notion of perfection. I have to get the ideas just right, make them clear, doll them up, and prepare myself to deliver them. Not only that, there are the logistics and administrative tasks that need to be done too. 
3. My mind is relentless at reminding me of all my failures and weaknesses. And connected to these imps are my relationship with time (Or so I think. I definitely gotta dig deeper into this thought). These are the two barriers that have the potential to defeat me. 

O.K. That feels better. After all this honest conversation, I realize that I am not compelled to stop in my tracks. I am actually compelled to strategize and plan. Recently, Pastor Kevin delivered a sermon entitled, "How to Keep Advancing in Your God-Given Goals". Why was I changing purses this morning and found these sermon notes? (And I remembered how I felt sitting in church that Sunday listening to Pastor deliver this sermon and its key verses in Nehemiah. It was not the first time that I heard him teach this lesson, but this time it was directly related to my effort at pushing forward so that I can go. I wanted to run up to the front of the sanctuary and give him a great big hug! But instead, I settled for sitting and smiling.)  I think we know why these particular sermon notes resurfaced. I needed the reminder of these key points: keep praying, keep implementing practical strategies, and keep people the priority. REAL TALK is probably the first in a series of posts. REAL TALK keeps me grounded and honest with myself. REAL TALK might even benefit some other folks. I hope so.

Peace