THE DILEMMA OF THE PARADOX

I enrolled in school last year after my bout with unemployment. I decided that I needed to upgrade and retool my skills. It's a challenge, but it's good for me as a learning and development professional to keep building my knowledge and honing my skills, especially considering how much technology has impacted the field over the past decade.

Anyway, I am in the process of writing a paper about the importance of course evaluations, not a particularly an exciting topic, but nonetheless I gotta write it. During my research, I found an article entitled, Paradoxes of Online Teaching by Bair and Bair. It's an interesting examination of the contradictions that the authors experience as online instructors. These contradictions or paradoxes are defined "as being the coexistence of two competing truths" (2011, p. 5). They go on further to say that these two competing truths create discord for individuals experiencing them. 




This is my favorite paradox!

 Paradoxes have been intriguing me for a while. I remember reading articles about them when I was in CSU's Diversity Management Program. The paradox of diversity is one of my favorite concepts. I even wrote about paradox in my journal back in 2009:

I realize that life is a balance or struggle (depending on my frame of mind that day) between polar opposites. I vacillate between:

black and white

shades of gray and a rainbow of colors

better and worse

loneliness and togetherness

generosity and selfishness

grace and impatience

inactivity and creativity

satisfaction and dissatisfaction

empty and full

just doing it and staying stuck

sitting and standing

stillness and noise

boredom and fun

disgust and pleasure

sweet aroma and funk

trusting God and not trusting God

Here's my point. I write this blog to make meaning of my experience as I push this movement forward. Right now I'm feeling the dilemma of the paradox. It keeps emerging and it keeps me up at night. Since pushing this movement forward, I have been dealing with these paradoxes:

• HARD BUT FUN - I wrote about this after my trip to Vegas. Life is fun but hard. As much as I want to have fun, I need hard if I am going to grow.  
• SLOW AND FAST - Every time I think about the fact that this movement started in January, I am amazed. Things have happened quite fast. But on the other hand, there are things that I think are happening too slow. I see the big picture, but I can't seem to catch up to it.
• BIG PICTURE AND SMALL CHUNKS - I will be introducing the Challenge Me to Grow Experience next Saturday. While I saw the big picture of the experience a while ago (OK maybe a month or so ago), I still wrestle with the small chunks. I'm good at focusing on the big picture, but I can't let the big picture be my sole focus. I have to attend to the small chunks in order for the big picture to come into fruition. My discord comes into play because there are a lot of small chunks. 
• PRIVATE AND PUBLIC - I have decided to let others in my head. My private thoughts are now public. It's risky, but it keeps me grounded and accountable. That might seem goofy to some, but trust me...if I didn't share this, I wouldn't have pushed anything forward. I would be laying in my bed every night watching foreign movies and not pushing any of my ideas forward.
• DREAMING AND DOING - It's always been easy for me to dream, but hard for me to do. And the reason I didn't push forward was because I didn't want to fail. I didn't want to be haunted by my dreams that I thought would turn into nightmares. Now I am dreaming and doing both at the same time. I don't let the thought of failure haunt me as much. It creeps up every now and then, but it hasn't made me stop in my tracks. To me that's an accomplishment.
• NEEDING HELP AND NOT WANTING HELP -  Need I say more.

There are a couple of random paradoxes that I won't bother to mention. I'll just deal with them privately. The dilemma of the paradox is a cleansing experience for me. It is helps me to adjust to the uncertainities that exist in life. It helps me realize that life can't be "perfect", but it can be just as it is. After all of this thinking, I still don't have any answers or resolutions. I might have a little more understanding and that is fine with me.

Peace

WHAT KEEPS ME UP AT NIGHT

While I have been sharing in this blog my experiences as I push forward this movement, I have also been sharing my person.  You have probably figured out that I love to laugh, I love to laugh at myself, I like to think, I am learning how to execute my ideas, I hold my loved ones dear to my heart, I’m a Christian, I like different, and I have a passion for writing. There are many parts to me and this is just a small (no pun intended) snapshot of who I am, what I value, and what I do. Speaking of the doing, there are many roles that I play too. I want to believe that this movement is rubbing against each of these roles and creating some friction that will catch aflame.  

One of the roles that I have played about 20 years is as a learning and development professional. If you read my profile to the right, it tells you a little bit about what I have done professionally. (Check out my LinkedIn profile for a more in-depth view of my professional life at http://www.linkedin.com/in/zoebrown725. Please note: If you don’t have a LinkedIn profile, you should set one up. It is definitely an important social networking tool.)

I really love playing the role of a learning and development professional. The scope of this work matches my personality. Doing this type of work allows me to exercise my gifts. I realized a long time ago that it is my purpose in life. I am not perfect at it, but I am good at it and I absolutely love to keep adding tools to my toolbox. And it doesn’t hurt that it has been my bread and butter. In short, throughout my career I have had the honor of being who I was created to be and doing what I love – facilitating the continuation of learning in adult learners.

A meaningful learning experience is the platform that I will stand on, in my high heels of course, for the rest of my life. I have a deep and sincere need to hold in high regard adult learning principles.  Here are a few thoughts about adult learning that I have to uphold:

• I have to resist the urge to tell adults what they need to do. Most often, they already know what to do; they just might not be motivated or clear on how to do it. My job is to provide prompts that facilitate the construction of knowledge. I also believe that my job is to help widen the frame so that adult learners can see more of a bigger picture. Sometimes seeing a different or bigger perspective is all somebody needs to push forward and go.
• I have to keep in the forefront of my mind that everybody brings something to the table. Everybody has something to contribute regardless of what they believe about themselves, regardless of what they have been told. When this principle is demonstrated, it really makes people feel good about who they are.
• I have to remind myself that practice doesn’t necessarily make perfect, but it really helps in the learning process. When learning is taking place, it cannot stay in the knowledge only realm. Telling somebody something is one thing. Showing them how to do it and making them show you they know how to do it is another thing. Skills should be practiced and learning should be applied in authentic contexts. This helps adults examine their mistakes, push to make improvements, evaluate their progress, and become better learners.
• I must remember that one principle that has followed me throughout my career - the best learning experiences are an inch wide and a mile deep. Trying to “teach” 10 things in an hour is not the business. Trying to “teach” 1 thing in 2 days is more impactful. (There isn’t a formula for how long to teach anything. The idea is that you spend enough time on one 1 thing so that people experience a rich and deep learning.)

Sleeping at night is a rare
occasion.

I am clear that one direction of gonegirlgo™ will lean toward the development of a meaningful learning experience for women who are ready to push forward and go. I am ecstatic about joining two of my passions. This is the stuff that keeps me up at night.

Peace

(PS...I think I wrote this because I have encountered some boring training over the past few months. I abhor boring training. They make me sleepy.)