The Conversation that I Dreaded Having With Myself

Pushing forward my ideas about the potential of gonegirlgo ™ is really challenging me to step up to the plate and move. I have never felt so compelled to do something in my life. I am truly amazed at how this unfolding movement is itself causing me to change my approach to life. I feel my speech getting stronger. I feel my walk getting stronger. I feel my ability to connect with others getting stronger. I am truly astonished by the influence of this passion in my life.  

It is confession time, though. I have a weakness that I must admit right now. I am a procrastinator. I will wait until the very last minute to get that thing done. I will think about it. I will have every intention to set the time aside to do it. I will even write it on my to-do list. (I am ashamed at how long one project has been on my to-do list. I’ve got to change this, y'all!)

People who know me and love me are very gracious to me because of my weakness. They know that the end result will be the bomb so they just let me slide. But I am tired of sliding. I want to be a reformed procrastinator. I want to challenge myself to grow in managing my time and my energy. So hence, the fourth component of gonegirlgo ™ - Be a Reformed Procrastinator.

I don’t have any answers yet that will help me push forward with this one. And that’s funny to me. The one component of this movement and my big weakness has got me at a loss of words. I guess it’s something that I need to dig a little deeper into. So my internal work will involve asking myself some hard questions.  So here's the conversation that I am dreading to have with myself: 

Me: Why do I procrastinate?



Look in the mirror and have a difficult
conversation with yourself!



Me: Because I think I can beat the clock and I put too much on my plate in the first place.

Me: Ok Zoe, I just answered this question with two issues – beating the clock and overwhelming myself. Let’s talk about this beating the clock thing. Why do I think I can beat the clock?

Me: I don’t know. I never really had this conversation with myself before. Maybe I think that because I can figure stuff out pretty quickly that I don’t have to start right away. I mean some of my best work was created at the last minute, right?

Me: Yeh, I get that, but I am driving myself crazy doing that all the time. Just because I can figure stuff out fairly fast doesn’t mean it is a healthy thing to do. I want to push forward and go, right?

Me: Yes, of course.

Me: Then work on becoming a reformed procrastinator and stop waiting until the clock strikes 12. Get the thing done, now! gonegirlgo ™

A Push Forward: The Birth of a Trademark

gonegirlgo_™

As I entered into another season of my life, I stumbled upon this trademark and it really does signify my current state of being. It is an internal proclamation of freedom, a declaration of independence, a statement of progress, and a call of forward movement. Starting in 2012 and going forward, I have decided to give myself permission to go on and go.

So how did I come to this conclusion? Last summer I had an epiphany that I was a middle aged woman. I had to laugh because the picture I had in my mind of who that woman was certainly did not resemble me! When I shared this with my dad, or “G” (short for G-Dad), as we so fondly call him, he simply stated, “Yea Zo, I guess you are.” My recognition of that reality and my dad’s confirmation of that reality rang in my ear for the rest of the summer. I am in the middle – the middle of my life, the middle of my career, the middle of my journey. As the oldest of three girls, I have never been in the middle before so it was hard trying to relate. (S/O to all of the middle sisters in the world, including mine!) This sudden realization of my median position ignited a pilot light in me!  Call it middle age crisis or call it what you want, all I knew was that I needed to do something before my time was up!

As I consider the timeline of my life, I cannot go back and redo anything. But I can go forward…wait a minute…what if I decided to go forward a little differently than I had in the first half of my timeline? What would happen if I pushed all of my energy forward? What would happen if I interrupted my life with a new trajectory?  (This is my confession: You see, I was a dreamer who was always afraid that my dreams would turn into nightmares and haunt me. I had ideas, I mean great big ideas, but I wasn’t able to see them as reality. I contemplated, walked with trepidation, analyzed, and second guessed myself out of believing that I had worthy ideas and dreams.) There was just something about being in the middle that compelled me to engage my ideas and dreams and push them forward. 

I thought that writing a blog would be easy because I kept a journal since I was 15 years old. You would be cracking up at how many times I backed up, scratched out, and deleted my words. I wanted the words to flow easy like they did in my head. They didn’t when I wanted them to at first...only at the most inopportune time which turned out to be the best time. The pilot light was lit so I had to go. 

gonegirlgo_™

Not only did my trademark surface because of my middle condition, but because of the current condition of many women that I know. I have witnessed how we have walked with trepidation, ignored our calling, gave others the power to talk us out of our dreams, second-guessed ourselves, downplayed our strengths, and kept ourselves constricted and confined to our own little box.  I was not created to live by default, but that’s how I was living because I refused to step out of my box.

My trademark was actually born on Facebook.  Whenever I read a female’s post that seemed to be a cry for forward movement, I would respond "Gone girl go!". I thought, “Wait a minute! That means something and I’ve got to do something with it!” Because I had this habit of thinking a lot, and not moving forward with my thoughts, I was in new territory. (Uh oh - my mind started with that ole negative self-talk again. Would I fail? I’m not ready. That’s just stupid. Who cares anyway?) Nope! I wasn’t giving in to it this time. I remembered my middle position and pushed forward.

The first step that I took was to share my thoughts with a few close friends. I was shocked when as soon as I said it, they got it. They understood immediately what I was talking about. They encouraged me to explore the concept so I just had to move.

During this time, another fascinating thing was happening to me. I was being surrounded by other women whose pilot light was ignited as well. I got a chance to see firsthand what happens to a woman when she pushes forward, engages her ideas, and lives her dreams. Again, I just had to move.

On my nightstand.

On the floor.

To organize my thoughts, I created this mind map. It was rough, but from it I was able to see what my trademark was all about. Then I started drafting the blog. This rough sketch of the mind map and blog sat on my nightstand for about 3 weeks. It ended up on the floor at some point and stayed there for another week. I finally put it in my bag to take to work.  It sat there for 2 more weeks. When I pulled it out again, I said “Go. What are you waiting for?” The mind map got dolled up in Visio. With some tweaks here and a few more edits there, it was good and I was determined to finish this blog. Now…

 gonegirlgo_™

There are four components to services that I will offer based on my trademark:

1.    Define your own forward movement

2.    Refuse to live by default

3.    Push against self-imposed limits

4.    Be a reformed procrastinator



All dolled up.



I’m not sure how this will all unfold, but I am excited about pushing it out there. So stay tuned! I will use this blog as an accountability tool to let you know of my progress pushing forward. This should be fun but hard! Y’all with me…let's go!