LIFE IS FUN BUT HARD BUT FUN BUT HARD...

I took a little break from the routine this past weekend to celebrate my sister Nikki's 30th birthday. A much anticipated celebration was planned (or so I thought) way before the birth of gonegirlgo™. While I was excited about my first trip to Vegas, I struggled with stepping away because the movement was gaining momentum. I really didn't want to step away, but then again, I wanted to celebrate with my family. Those of you who know us know that we love to have lots of fun! Anyway, Niyia, a wise young woman made my decision easy by telling me that gonegirlgo™ was not like a "backpack" that I just put on and take off. It is me and it goes where I go. So despite all of the activity around me, I thought a lot and learned some valuable lessons relative to this movement while celebrating in Vegas.

• Life can be fun but hard at the same time. Experience has taught me that fun doesn't challenge me to grow. Hard does. I can make the fun part last as long as I want, but at some point I am going to have to do the hard part too, especially if I want to grow (this is not intended to be a joke, but it is funny). Unfortunately, folks give up on life because of the hard part, but would rather push forward to always have fun. They are missing an opportunity for growth and balance. (My speculation is that these people love places like Vegas. As for this lil' mama, enough was enough. I'm good with my fun but hard life!) 
• Some folks have a difficult time accepting the hand that they have been dealt. I wonder what would happen if they didn't get hung up on how "bad" their hand was. What would happen if they pushed forward with that "bad" hand and decided to go make impact with it anyway? What would happen if they stopped gambling away their time because they felt that they didn't have what it takes to win? What if they changed their minds and realized that the hand that they have been dealt was given to them for a reason?
• I couldn't pound the pavement in my high heels that long in Vegas. I hated abdicating my super powers, but I had to for the sake of my feet.
• People from around the world push forward to live in the United States so that they can go. And we are mad at them, but won't push forward and go ourselves.

Who told my mother to throw up deuces?

Believe it or not, despite all my thinking, I had lots of fun celebrating with my family. (And that part will stay in Vegas.) I would not have missed this trip for anything in the world. It's just hard for me to put on and take off gonegirlgo™. It is me. It goes where I go.


Peace




And I can't forget...Happy Birthday Nikki!!!!! 

GAMES WE STILL PLAY



I never figured out what
"Yellow Light" meant.



Do you remember playing "Red Light, Green Light" when you were little? I do. As a little rambunctious girl, I played that game a lot on E.151st and Harvard. A group of us would line up some feet away from the kid who shouted "Red Light!Green Light!" When he shouted "Green Light!", we would run as fast as we could to reach him, but as soon as he shouted "Red Light!", we would stop in our tracks. This would go on until one of us tagged the shouting kid first. Who made this game up? And what was this game all about? Why did we think that playing this game was actual fun? I am not sure. I guess we liked the idea of following somebody's commands until we reached our destination. We were some funny kids back in the day.

And we are some funny adults because now we play this game against ourselves. As soon as somebody shouts, "Red Light!", we put the brakes on with the quickness. Finally, when we hear "Green Light!"  we stand still, look around, and question if we even heard "Green Light!" at all. We forget about the destination and settle in right where we are.


I haven't been standing still lately, but I realize that getting the green light doesn't mean that my journey will be easy, things will fall into place, and the ride will be smooth. It also might mean that I won't reach my destination so quickly. Easy, smooth, and quick have not been the case so far. I tweeted  earlier this week, "I had no clue how hard it would be giving birth to an idea until the labor pains started. Now I'm pushing forward really hard." As I am pushing forward with my theme song playing in the background, "I'm ready to go right now..." I have to:

• Unlearn old habits like engaging in negative self talk, procrastinating, downplaying my strengths, and focusing on my weaknesses
• Stick to my vision for this movement and filter out well intended messages that may not line up with my vision
• Pace myself and avoid the tendency to want to move too fast (Note to Self: I have to remember that the movement is not gonegirlrun. I have to go, but not at a rapid pace. Pushing forward is movement and maybe momentum, but not speed.)

This past Sunday, I spent my evening with a group of strong, intelligent, and motivated women who are making things happen in their lives and in the lives of others. That sacred space lasted for a short time, but what it did for me was helped me to rethink the green light I was given (more on building relationship and community in another post). Thanks ladies - Sharron, Niyia, Rhonda, Terre, and Dawn. I am thinking, praying, planning, and pushing. Thanks Mommy for your love and support. I need it. And the rest of you who are down for this movement, I am grateful to you as well.


I'm pounding the pavement in my really high heels with my theme song playing in the background, "I'm ready to go right now..."

Peace

Prayers and warm thoughts are extended to Whitney Houston's family and loved ones. They've got to miss her, but they have her legacy. Actually we all do. And what a legacy it is! 

REAL TALK PART II

I am actually pushing forward and going. I thank God for the satisfaction that it brings. Over the past month and a half, I have executed an idea that I have had on my mind for years. I am in the process of preparing to execute another idea in the Spring. But how is it that today, I can't help but feel a tinge of discontentment. Looks like it's time for another REAL TALK.

I'm torn with expressing discontentment because it feels like I am whining. I hate whining and for the most part, I am not a whiner. I really don't have anything to whine about! I just got something going on inside that makes me feel like being a little whiny baby right now. That whiny baby in me says:

Peace.

Maybe it's that notion of perfection that keeps peaking its head around the corners of my mind. Or could it be that challenge of time that I keep racing against? It could also be that bomb of impatience that keeps exploding in my soul. It's hard to ignore those relentless imps, my weaknesses and failures, that constantly remind me that they are real and that they exist.

Jeesh! I had to get that out! My main goal in all of this is to be encouraging to others. Looks like today I need some encouragement myself. Thank God I know where to push forward and go for the encouragement that I need! I'm out! 

A LIST YOU MUST POST SOMEWHERE SO YOU CAN READ IT EVERYDAY

This lil mama was the perfect character
for my book way back when.

Based on years of experience, here's a list of what not to do, if you ever have a great idea:

• Act like you never felt that tingling sensation in the bottom of your toes when that idea first popped into your head in the middle of the night
• Ignore the warning signs that you really had a purpose in life 
• Overwhelm yourself with the mundane, routine, and everyday tasks of life
• Tell somebody about that idea then never talk about it again because you never talk to them again
• Write down everything that you wanted to do and then lose the little napkin, big notebook, and Word document that you wrote it on
• Forget to pray and ask God for guidance
• Wait until you have a whole bunch of money
• Listen to someone tell you why that idea won't work, can't happen, or doesn't make sense
• Take on a hobby that you will never be passionate about
• Pretend like your 9-5 job is the only thing that can be your passion and purpose
• Ignore your gut feeling
• Never align your means to your end
• Wait until your kids grow up (some of the best ideas came when they were little and had something to do with them like The Adventures of Nia and J.R. (Conversation with self: Dang I wish I would have wrote that children's book back in 1997! She's practically grown now and J.R. (my Jack Russell Terrier brother) has been gone for years!)
• Keep talking about what you are going to do but never take even one baby step to make it happen
• Be mortified to step out of the box
• Be afraid to be different, weird, or strange
• Never ask anyone to help you

Now, here is a list of what to do, if you ever have a great idea:

• Push forward



This lil mama is still a character (she's to my left),
but I don't think she will appreciate me
writing stories about her anymore.

• Go

Peace

MY BIG BUT SMALL REALIZATION (AND VICE VERSA)

Uhh..that would be me.

Duh?!? I had no idea that stepping outside of my box would be so liberating. It feels good to finally exhale. Sharing my passion for international film, not just with my inner circle, but with a larger one, was good for me. Not that I was seeking validation, but then again maybe I was. That I am OK. I'm different, and that's OK. It's really OK to be different in a world that wants you to conform to a certain mold. 


I guess that's part of it. The other part of Movie, Munch & Mingle that did it for me was offering this to others: WIDEN YOUR FRAME SO THAT YOU CAN SEE MORE OF THE BIGGER PICTURE.  While your life is yours (or so you think), does it always have to be about you, where you live, what you do, and who you are? There are billions of people who live on this planet and their lives are just as important as yours. Do you ever think about them, where they live, what they do, and who they are? 


This is Round One of gonegirlgo™. I'm in...are you?


Peace 

Networking Was Never My Forte

Last night I went to an event to celebrate the re-opening of a restaraunt that  I frequent. The atmosphere was good. The food was great. But the conversation was even better. I conversed with the folks who are bringing a new film festival in town, the Greater Cleveland Urban Film Festival (GCUFF). Again, the conversation was even better. In case you don't know, I am an international film enthusiast. My love of this genre of film goes real deep and way back. This is not something that I have always liked to share with people, especially my love for Indian cinema and its actors, particularly my favorite actor Shah Ruhk Khan. (There is only one person who I can really discuss this with. I mean hours and hours and hours of discussion...my Didi, Janice. And by the way, Didi is sister in Hindi.) Anyway, the reason I was so into the conversation last night was because I had something to talk about. I mean really talk about.

I heart SRK. Yes. I heart SRK.

(You see, in my old life, I preferred to stay in my head and in my box. It's not that I was afraid to share my world with others, I just didn't think it was necessary. I didn't feel like explaining why I liked this, or why I thought a certain way. I didn't feel like getting irritated by the smirks and other goofy facial expressions that people display when they are a bit confused. Those looks spoke volumes, "A black girl who prefers to watch Bollywood movies instead of Hollywood movies? I don't get it." So I decided that my little secret was safe with me. But one day, I decided to share my secret with others. I hosted the first ZIFF (Zoe's International Film Festival) at my house in February 2010. I invited a few close friends and we watched a really cool Palestinian movie and ate some great tasting Mediterranean type food that I cooked. The girls loved it and couldn't wait for me to do it again. But I never got the urge to do it again. And that idea sat dormant.) 

Let me get back on track. I'm supposed to be writing about how networking was never my forte.

So at this event, I talked freely about my love of international film and what I decided to do about it. I also asked to help out at GCUFF in anyway that I can. The biggest thing that I shared during this converation was my event - Movie, Munch & Mingle that happens on Monday. That really got me excited and I probably could have talked on and on and on and on...

So here's my point. I see the value of stepping outside of my box and out of my head. There are people in this world (and Cleveland!) who might get me. And they even might be excited about my push forward. They even might be instrumental in helping me go. I would never know if I wasn't willing to open up and talk a little. Networking was never my forte, but now it is. I have things to talk about. gonegirlgo™

Peace

REAL TALK PART I

I need this balance.

This movement is definitely a consuming passion in my life right now. There isn't a moment of the day when I don't think about pushing gonegirlgo™ forward. At times I wish I could hurry up and get to the good part, whatever that is. I want to see what it is going to look like...all of it and not just this blog. (I actually do see it. I just want to hurry up and get there.) My capacity to dream about it grows everyday. I have to fight the urge not to just dream, but do. There needs to be a balance of dreaming and doing, if I am going to push forward and go. But I do have some issues that if I let them will either drive me crazy or stop me in my tracks. Pushing this movement forward is fun, but hard - exactly like I said in a previous post. Enough said, let's have some REAL TALK. 

• I am tired. All this thinking, doing, and late night blogging is wearing me out. On top of that, I have to get up early during the week and drive to Akron to work a job that I need right now. What's wrong with this picture? I'm not a morning person. I worked from home for 7 years. And I have to wrestle with Sage and Nia way tooooooo early in the morning!
• My right knee and sometimes lower back hurt, probably because of working out (There's this one move that has been affecting my back lately. Problem is, I like the move and want to keep doing it.) I'm not as spry as I used to be and want to be now. One wrong move may result in a little pain. I don't do well with pain. It makes me want to lay down and I really don't want to lay down now. I guess this is the issue with us late bloomers...that's another discussion. (I know you are probably saying to yourself, "She should stop wearing those dang high heels all the time!" Sorry y'all. I can't. Remember my high heels give me super power.)
• I am impatient. I want instant answers, results, and gratification, despite how unrealistic this thinking is. Unfortunately I can't push forward and go as fast as I want. Others working on a few items for me can't go as fast as I want them to either.
• I mentioned in an earlier post that I am planning an event. This is the first idea under my reformed identity that I am pushing forward. I am just a little nervous about it. It happens this coming Monday.
• I'm moving with trepidation pushing forward this one gonegirlgo™ idea. I recognize my fear of time and that might have something to do with why I "used" to be a procrastinator. (Becoming a reformed procrastinator is a process and it takes time to unlearn the skill and art of procrastination.) Anyway, I am dealing with an uneasiness about a few things related to time. 

1. I have to clear my plate of one project that I acquired in the  past. I know that it is intense, and because I am working a 9-5 and don't have the flexibility that I used to, I have to deliberately fit this project into my already packed schedule. 
2. I am being challenged to execute this one gonegirlgo™ idea in March...this March...the March that is only 27 days away. It's scary because I know that my creativity is wrapped up in this notion of perfection. I have to get the ideas just right, make them clear, doll them up, and prepare myself to deliver them. Not only that, there are the logistics and administrative tasks that need to be done too. 
3. My mind is relentless at reminding me of all my failures and weaknesses. And connected to these imps are my relationship with time (Or so I think. I definitely gotta dig deeper into this thought). These are the two barriers that have the potential to defeat me. 

O.K. That feels better. After all this honest conversation, I realize that I am not compelled to stop in my tracks. I am actually compelled to strategize and plan. Recently, Pastor Kevin delivered a sermon entitled, "How to Keep Advancing in Your God-Given Goals". Why was I changing purses this morning and found these sermon notes? (And I remembered how I felt sitting in church that Sunday listening to Pastor deliver this sermon and its key verses in Nehemiah. It was not the first time that I heard him teach this lesson, but this time it was directly related to my effort at pushing forward so that I can go. I wanted to run up to the front of the sanctuary and give him a great big hug! But instead, I settled for sitting and smiling.)  I think we know why these particular sermon notes resurfaced. I needed the reminder of these key points: keep praying, keep implementing practical strategies, and keep people the priority. REAL TALK is probably the first in a series of posts. REAL TALK keeps me grounded and honest with myself. REAL TALK might even benefit some other folks. I hope so.

Peace

WHAT KEEPS ME UP AT NIGHT

While I have been sharing in this blog my experiences as I push forward this movement, I have also been sharing my person.  You have probably figured out that I love to laugh, I love to laugh at myself, I like to think, I am learning how to execute my ideas, I hold my loved ones dear to my heart, I’m a Christian, I like different, and I have a passion for writing. There are many parts to me and this is just a small (no pun intended) snapshot of who I am, what I value, and what I do. Speaking of the doing, there are many roles that I play too. I want to believe that this movement is rubbing against each of these roles and creating some friction that will catch aflame.  

One of the roles that I have played about 20 years is as a learning and development professional. If you read my profile to the right, it tells you a little bit about what I have done professionally. (Check out my LinkedIn profile for a more in-depth view of my professional life at http://www.linkedin.com/in/zoebrown725. Please note: If you don’t have a LinkedIn profile, you should set one up. It is definitely an important social networking tool.)

I really love playing the role of a learning and development professional. The scope of this work matches my personality. Doing this type of work allows me to exercise my gifts. I realized a long time ago that it is my purpose in life. I am not perfect at it, but I am good at it and I absolutely love to keep adding tools to my toolbox. And it doesn’t hurt that it has been my bread and butter. In short, throughout my career I have had the honor of being who I was created to be and doing what I love – facilitating the continuation of learning in adult learners.

A meaningful learning experience is the platform that I will stand on, in my high heels of course, for the rest of my life. I have a deep and sincere need to hold in high regard adult learning principles.  Here are a few thoughts about adult learning that I have to uphold:

• I have to resist the urge to tell adults what they need to do. Most often, they already know what to do; they just might not be motivated or clear on how to do it. My job is to provide prompts that facilitate the construction of knowledge. I also believe that my job is to help widen the frame so that adult learners can see more of a bigger picture. Sometimes seeing a different or bigger perspective is all somebody needs to push forward and go.
• I have to keep in the forefront of my mind that everybody brings something to the table. Everybody has something to contribute regardless of what they believe about themselves, regardless of what they have been told. When this principle is demonstrated, it really makes people feel good about who they are.
• I have to remind myself that practice doesn’t necessarily make perfect, but it really helps in the learning process. When learning is taking place, it cannot stay in the knowledge only realm. Telling somebody something is one thing. Showing them how to do it and making them show you they know how to do it is another thing. Skills should be practiced and learning should be applied in authentic contexts. This helps adults examine their mistakes, push to make improvements, evaluate their progress, and become better learners.
• I must remember that one principle that has followed me throughout my career - the best learning experiences are an inch wide and a mile deep. Trying to “teach” 10 things in an hour is not the business. Trying to “teach” 1 thing in 2 days is more impactful. (There isn’t a formula for how long to teach anything. The idea is that you spend enough time on one 1 thing so that people experience a rich and deep learning.)

Sleeping at night is a rare
occasion.

I am clear that one direction of gonegirlgo™ will lean toward the development of a meaningful learning experience for women who are ready to push forward and go. I am ecstatic about joining two of my passions. This is the stuff that keeps me up at night.

Peace

(PS...I think I wrote this because I have encountered some boring training over the past few months. I abhor boring training. They make me sleepy.)

Note to Self: Challenge Yourself to Grow

I realize that as a middle aged woman, I must make it a point to move my body. It’s just plain wrong for me to settle for a sedentary lifestyle. Sitting still is not going to work for me as I journey on this side of my timeline. That’s why I have made a commitment to work out at least three days a week. 

I like the amenities of Lifetime Fitness, but I can’t seem to stay committed to working out there, even though I enjoy spending an hour on the fancy elliptical or joining the cardio-kickboxing class with this one trainer chick. My work out of choice is boot camp style with the ladies (and sometimes gentlemen) of True Image Fitness. There’s just something about working out with others in that narrow space that activates my spirit. I love it when our movements become synced. I love reaching that zone when my body is at its peak and I have to push past that feeling of wanting to stop. I love encouraging the group to do the same. I love how Kathy gets us and keeps us pumped with her firm, but loving instruction. (I can hear and see her now shouting at the top of her lungs with a smile on her face, “Yeahhhhhh!” I really try to model her when I do my thing because I believe that people need to be loved through the process of moving their bodies, especially because many of them haven’t moved in a long time or even at all.)  And of course, there are a couple of songs that make me way to excited!  Most of all I love it when we are encouraged to challenge ourselves to grow.

In the exercise world, which I am no expert on but rather a mere enthusiast, if you keep moving the same thing in the same way and never switch it up a little, there is a chance that your body will adapt to those movements. Your routine may not give you the results you want to see. You might get bored, and boredom can lead to demotivation. There’s this one exercise that I do on Thursdays that everyone absolutely hates. (You should see the looks that I get when I tell them it’s time to hit the floor.)  It’s called “The Swinger”. You are on your knees with your head up looking forward. You extend a leg straight back and then you just swing that leg out to the side. I like to do 2 sets of 10 reps on each side. If I am feeling especially pumped, we might repeat the move one mo’ ‘gain. It is the perfect butt, hip, and core move. And it is the perfect move that challenges everyone to grow.

I envision myself crossing the
 finish line.

Here’s how this relates to gonegirlgo™. If I am going to see any results from my efforts developing this movement, then I have to resist the urge to do the same things that I have been doing and challenge myself to grow. I have to remain teachable. I have to switch it up a bit and make a paradigm shift in my thinking. I have to begin envisioning the outcomes that I want to see. I have to lean into some discomfort. I must have many more of those conversations that I dread having with myself. I have to push back the urge to want to quit all together. I might even have to let a few people go. You want to know what the coolest thing is about all of this? The fact that that I am surrounded on all sides by a fantastic group of loved ones who are praying, encouraging, pushing, igniting, loving, uplifting, and motivating me through it all. 

Let me leave you with a little poetry: If you are so compelled to push forward and go, I beseech you all to challenge yourself to grow.

Peace

Things Can Happen Accidentally On Purpose

Before today, I had no clue that
raccoons possess a certain power.

I really, really, really hate admitting that I am addicted to FaceBook. Not that I think that this addiction is a totally bad thing. It does have its place in my life now. The way I use it has primarily shifted over the past few months. It started as a way for me to stay connected with my sisters and other family members. I  love seeing pictures of Navi and Jaden (my niece and nephew) considering they are more than 700 miles away. It was where I gave birth to my trademark. I have been able to reconnect with old acquaintances. And because I am an e-learning enthusiast, I recognize the potential it has for transforming the learning process. Now I realize that my FaceBook posts also provide fodder for this blog and other writing assignments that are down the road. (Disclaimer: Please don't be alarmed by my use of words. Just go to dictionary.com and look up fodder. Vocabulary words just aren't for kids, you know.)

I am not necessarily proud of the amount of time that I spend on FaceBook, especially lately, but I really do get a lot inspiration and encouragement reading most posts (Sometimes I think that I need to delete a few people cause our mindsets really don't line up, but then again, that might be a good thing. Isn't it important to know about other views that don't necessary line up with yours? Uh huh. I thought so, but that's another topic!). This morning, someone posted this scripture, "For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them." I really try to make sure that I read every post that's a quote from the Bible. It doesn't feel right skipping those posts knowing that I took the time to read an actual status update about a party attended over the weekend, a quote someone likes, or a rant that somebody needs to get off their chest, but I skipped over God's word! Well, this particular verse really stood out to me today, and is the point of this very post.

I believe that everything that has happened in my life was prepared beforehand - before the beginning of time, before the beginning of history, before the beginning of my ancestors, before the beginning of my parents, and before the beginning of me. I know that it might be a challenging notion for some to believe and that is ok with me. I don't mind challenging you or being challenged myself because that's how we grow. Remember, this movement is not about prejudice, bias, and stereotypes.  It is my belief and you can choose to subscribe to it or not. If you are reading this, I would hope that you would hold my belief with some regard because I have chosen to share it with you. So, let me make this point.  Now, since this (what I believe) is the case, then I also must believe that things can happen accidentally on purpose. Things that I had no control over, but were prepared beforehand for me to walk in. You still tracking with me? Several things have happened this way recently and I can't help but be amazed:

• Seeing Dawn at TJ Maxx almost two years ago without a notion that our friendship would blossom and that she would be that one person to encourage me to push forward and execute that one idea.
• Meeting Terre at Opus when I clearly wasn't interested in making new friends, even though my heart was crying out for a change. I know she is tired of me saying this, but I am so glad that we connected. Her energy has rubbed off on me in such a good way.
• Having that raccoon who has the same schedule as I do interrupt my drive to work two days in a row. Based on Native American beliefs, this animal has the kind of power that has been surfacing in my life recently. (Please note: I am not going to start worshipping racoons now, but it does make me feel a certain way identifying with my Native American ancestry.)
• Praying with Deacon Domingue this past Sunday who after I shared with him my prayer request, said, "You should look up my daughter. She might be able to help you." Truth be told, I really wanted to pray with Vanessa J., but she wasn't available when my turn came. What's really funny about this accidental thing that happened on purpose was that I didn't even know that he had a daughter!!!! But I'm glad he did. I looked her up on Monday, and we talked today. And she is cold y'all, really like cold blooded (not the reptile version, but the slang version of the word). After we talked all I could say was WOW.
• Losing my precious job in October 2010. If I had still worked for Head Start, I would have never pushed forward with  gonegirlgo™ because Head Start was such a consuming passion for me. I grew up professionally in Head Start, and spent about 15 years in that environment. I guess it was time for me to leave that comfortable nest.

I can think of a few more things that have happened to me accidentally on purpose. But don't you think that these are enough to contemplate right now? I do.

Peace

Girls Want to Have More Than Just Fun

So I have been thinking about the use of the word girl in my trademark and wondering if it offends anyone.  I am real sensitive to issues like this, probably because of my background in diversity. The word girl doesn't bother me despite the fact that I am as tall as that 6th grade girl who went to Randallwood back in 1979. Maybe it is time to dig a little deeper into my thoughts about using the word girl.


First, it isn't meant to be offensive. I look at it more like a term of endearment. Like when you call your really good friend on the phone and when she answers you say, "Gurl!!!! I got something to tell you!!" Or when a friend calls to offer you that much needed advice like, "Gurl, let me break it down for you!" I guess it is short for girlfriend. Womanfriend just doesn't sound right, you know? And I think that the second half of the word friend has more meaning than the first half girl.


On the other hand, I know that girl may have some negative connotations attached to it. It may bring back memories of a dark time in our history when women of color (or any woman for that matter now that I think about it) were not considered worthy enough to be respected or revered. (This is something that I really want to explore further, but not today. It's on my list, though. This would make for a good conversation.)


There's also something about the word girl that to me connotes vibrancy, youth, energy, and freshness. A girl is at the beginning of her journey. Her outlook on life is hopeful. There is a world of possibilities before her. And she has the energy and the wherewithal to explore those possibilities. Woman has a different connotation to me. When I think of the word woman I think of the womb, birth, wisdom, experience, knowledge. The dreams she had as a girl may have vanished. She is in a different season of life and may feel a little more settled and may be less inclined to explore and take risks.

Girls just don't want to have fun!

Now I am not saying that a woman can't live life with the vibrancy and energy as a girl can. All I am saying is that in terms of gonegirlgo™, my intent is to attach a sense of wonder, curiosity, energy, vibrancy, and openness to the movement that some of us as women may have lost somewhere during our journey. This girl (me) may not have grown in stature, but I have grown up. Now I am reclaiming traces of that youthful spirit that I had when I was 11. And because I have a good deal of experience at life now, I also know that I want to have more than just fun! I want my life to have meaning too!


I am not sure if I am totally clear about the use of the word girl yet. I have to remind myself that this movement is still unfolding. But I must admit, it does sound better than gonewomango. That's not catchy at all and it probably wouldn't read well on a t-shirt.

So here is a big shout out and tribute to all the wonderful girls who have been and still are a part of my life. Girl, your presence in my life has made it a good ride.

• Girls who raised me and taught me the value of education, relationships, and family
• Girls who I have known since they were born 
• Girls who are my sister cousins
• Girls who I grew up with on E. 151st and Sunset Drive 
• Girls who came into my life for a season
• Girls who have been my best friends since 1990 and will remain my best friends until we all pass away
• Girls who like me slept, ate and breathed Head Start (some of these girls still do)
• Girls who are cold at running their businesses
• Girls who have loved me despite me and my mess
• Girls who are my ride or die chicks
• Girls who I have been on a spiritual journey with
• Girls who love to get the cardio in at True Image Fitness
• Girls who I have known for a short time, but feel like I have known them forever
• Girls who have done me wrong but didn't realize that what they did actually made me better (I can flip this one too cause I have been the girl who has also done wrong to another...)

I think you know who you are. Let's keep pushing forward so that we can all go!
gonegirlgo™

Random Thoughts That Really Are Not Random

Zoe at a party in Winchester, MA circa 1984
(Like the hair?)

I think that I already mentioned that I have been an avid journaler since the age of 15. It started while I was in a program for minority students called A Better Chance (ABC). I went to school and lived in a small town called Darien, Connecticut for 2 1/2 years. I was 1 of 6 minority females who lived there. And it was hard, especially because in the mid 80's multiculturalism was not the business. It was not cool for the kids who went school with me to know 80's hip hop, 80's urban slang, or anything "black" for that matter. 


Writing became my way of checking in with myself because I was invisible and didn't exist for a big part of my day. I needed to stay in touch with me. Of course, now I say that. As 15 year old girl, I didn't have a clue as to why it became an important part of my regimen. I just felt compelled to get my thoughts, ideas, fears, prayers, wishes, out of my head and on paper. And I did it so freely and regularly. I say that back then, writing saved my life.


Throughout my life my journaling has changed and there were times that it stopped all together. Funny thing is it usually stopped when I was in a "good" relationship, then started back up when the relationship turned "bad". Then I remember at some point my journal became a book of prayers. I was having trouble praying out loud. I hated fumbling my words to the Lord so I decided to write down my prayers. I did so earnestly and intently for about two years. It made me feel like David of the Bible. That journal really means a lot to me and I still make it a point to read it on a regular.


Now, this blog thing is taking my journaling to another level. Here are some random thoughts about blogging (and other stuff) that permitted me to get only 4 hours sleep this morning:

The girl who will never know
that she was in my blog cause she
won't read them.

• What's in my head is becoming public. It's kinda scary to let others into my head. Not because I think you think that I am crazy because I already know that I am. It's scary because I might run out of things to say. Or  better yet, I might run out of clever things to say. Who wants to read a blog that reads like a homework assignment, right? (I have to figure out a way to get Imani to read my blogs. The other day I was so desperately trying to persuade her to start reading them. She told me "Mom, they (my blogs) make me feel like I am reading homework."
• Public is the new private, in this case. I think I am going to make everyone sign a privacy disclaimer! You know, like when you sign the HIPPA paper at the doctor's office every time you visit. I'm just not sure what I will put in the disclaimer, though. I still have to think about that.
• Sometimes it's good not to have anything to say. I need to practice silence like my friend Mary Jo did. The only thing was although she wasn't speaking, she was writing. I might have to flip my vow of silence to speaking and not writing. So don't be mad if I don't post anything for a stretch of time. I might be in my silent mode.
• I mentioned before that gonegirlgo™  and this push forward is connected to a spiritual element for me. It is hard for me not to put it there in my mind. I have defined my forward movement and again, your forward movement is going to be different than mine. The key to this thing is for all of us to push against stereotypes, prejudice and bias as we embark on this journey together. I don't want to turn anyone off who may not believe what I believe. But I do believe that gonegirlgo™ is for anyone, regardless of the role of spirituality in their life. 
• I love Esparanza Spalding (these are random thoughts, remember?) and I can't wait til I see her in concert.
• In some kinda way, I have to make a connection to pushing forward and going in my high heel shoes. They give me super power. (clickety clack, clickety clack...that's the sound of my heels pounding on the pavement as I prance on by...)
• Ummm...I'm all out of random thoughts.

 It's always my pleasure to let you in my head. It's humbling, refreshing, and satisfying. Peace z

The Conversation that I Dreaded Having With Myself

Pushing forward my ideas about the potential of gonegirlgo ™ is really challenging me to step up to the plate and move. I have never felt so compelled to do something in my life. I am truly amazed at how this unfolding movement is itself causing me to change my approach to life. I feel my speech getting stronger. I feel my walk getting stronger. I feel my ability to connect with others getting stronger. I am truly astonished by the influence of this passion in my life.  

It is confession time, though. I have a weakness that I must admit right now. I am a procrastinator. I will wait until the very last minute to get that thing done. I will think about it. I will have every intention to set the time aside to do it. I will even write it on my to-do list. (I am ashamed at how long one project has been on my to-do list. I’ve got to change this, y'all!)

People who know me and love me are very gracious to me because of my weakness. They know that the end result will be the bomb so they just let me slide. But I am tired of sliding. I want to be a reformed procrastinator. I want to challenge myself to grow in managing my time and my energy. So hence, the fourth component of gonegirlgo ™ - Be a Reformed Procrastinator.

I don’t have any answers yet that will help me push forward with this one. And that’s funny to me. The one component of this movement and my big weakness has got me at a loss of words. I guess it’s something that I need to dig a little deeper into. So my internal work will involve asking myself some hard questions.  So here's the conversation that I am dreading to have with myself: 

Me: Why do I procrastinate?



Look in the mirror and have a difficult
conversation with yourself!



Me: Because I think I can beat the clock and I put too much on my plate in the first place.

Me: Ok Zoe, I just answered this question with two issues – beating the clock and overwhelming myself. Let’s talk about this beating the clock thing. Why do I think I can beat the clock?

Me: I don’t know. I never really had this conversation with myself before. Maybe I think that because I can figure stuff out pretty quickly that I don’t have to start right away. I mean some of my best work was created at the last minute, right?

Me: Yeh, I get that, but I am driving myself crazy doing that all the time. Just because I can figure stuff out fairly fast doesn’t mean it is a healthy thing to do. I want to push forward and go, right?

Me: Yes, of course.

Me: Then work on becoming a reformed procrastinator and stop waiting until the clock strikes 12. Get the thing done, now! gonegirlgo ™

The Power of Meaning Making

I hate it when I wake up in the middle of the night or before my alarm goes off with a thought. That means that I will not be getting my last few hours of sleep. That very thing happened to me this morning. My internal alarm went off at 3:55. I decided to make the early rise worth my time so I began to write this very post.

The "what if" conversation

I'm in the process of planning an event and was exploring online ticket sales with my girl. She found this one site that we liked so I started clicking on the featured events listed on the home page. One event in Australia caught my eye. It's called What If 2012. It looks like an organizational visioning summit of some sort. Here's their vision, "our vision is to transform Tansmania into a powerhouse of creativity by the end of this decade." Wow! Really? So you know my mind got to going...

What if you had this conversation with yourself:

• What if I did "the" one thing that I always wanted to do before I left the earth?
• What if I did something that mattered to me without limiting my thinking about it?
• What if I stopped complaining about my life and started living my life?
• What if I went somewhere in Cleveland that I had never been before?
• What if...(you get the idea, now fill in the blank.)

The bottom line is that you have to start pushing against self imposed limits if you are going to go.

gonegirlgo™ component #3

A Sister Trying Not to Live by Default

I wrote this on August 28, 1998.

Life is a series of trips.

Back and forth,

to and fro,

here and there.

Sometimes I feel like I should go forth, fro, there,

but how come I find myself going back, to, here?

Answer:  Because I am living by default.

In my mind I have created these series of trips,

But then I realize that my mind is the ultimate trip…trippin me out all the time.

But it’s all good b/c it’s my journey & no one else’s.

It belongs to me & it represents something that amazes me like God amazes, like life amazes me.

Not in a loud, boisterous way, but a subtle, easy, warm way.

I sit back and smile (when I am not living by default) & enjoy the ride…

Back and forth,

to and fro,

here and there.

Why should we live by default?

In a season of desperation, I coined the term living by default to describe my existence as a human being who had all of their physiological functions in order. Living by default meant that my life was possible only on an account of having a heart, lungs, a brain, nervous system, stomach, liver and all of the other internal organs that made me go.  The dilemma was that while living by default was truly a gift from God (as far as I knew, all of my internal organs functioned properly) if life had no meaning or purpose, it was a gift free from responsibility. Simply put, living by default is an absolved life. It is a life that has no meaning, purpose, or direction.

At different points in my life, I wrestled with the application of this concept. When I lived by default, I did not feel good. I was depressed, lazy, uncertain, bored, and uninterested. I went through life’s routine without any motivation or determination. I rarely had concern for anything bigger than myself. I just happened to be existing by default.

On the other hand, when my life had meaning and purpose, I became a different person.  No matter what crazy turn of events came my way, I was able to overcome them because I had a purpose to fulfill and goals to accomplish.  One example of this was when I co-led God’s Beauty Shop, a bible study that I created for my church a few years ago.  During that time, I was experiencing a tumultuous time in my marriage, but God’s Beauty Shop gave my life meaning and a reason to push through the pain of my marriage.  When I didn’t live by default, I felt confident, assured, strong, and hopeful.

One of the four components of gonegirlgo™ is refuse to live by default.  My experience has taught me that a person who desires to push their ideas and dreams forward can’t if they are living by default. They are going to continue going back and forth, to and fro, and here and there in a desolate, bitter, and possibly painful state. Here are three lessons that I learned whenever I lived by default:

1. I did not have any desire to seek my purpose in life.  I was complacent, lazy, and full of excuses as to why I was not living progressively. 
2. I did not hold myself accountable to anyone to actualize my purpose and what I should be doing with it.
3. I had no motivation to explore the intrapersonal. There was no desire to go within and do the inner work of the soul.

gonegirlgo™ stands for pushing forward in life. If you are going to go, you have to push the desire to live by default out of the way. Find your purpose and meaning in life. Tell someone that you trust about your purpose so that they can help you remain accountable for moving in that purpose. And when you find it, do the inner work that is required so that you don’t get in the way of going forward. Life really is a series of trips, but at least while we are on the journey, let’s go with a smile in our heart.

Now that you have read my description of living by default, I’m curious to know how you make meaning of the concept.  What experiences can you share that illustrate the point – refuse to live by default? What lessons have you learned?   Please use the comment area below to share your thoughts.